Published October 28, 2007
Forget Me Not
By Vassilissa Semouchkina
Though this room grows more silent,
As the years fly by,
I can still hear the sounds,
As melodic and clear as the first,
Of a single finger,
Tapping the boards of hollowed wood,
Oh; how did this come to be?
The darkness of that night,
Shrouding a careful design with the red,
That one spear may separate our existence,
And put an invisible bridge between us,
I miss you; fondest friend,
How you used to speak,
Your face alight with joy,
Asking for but a simple task,
Play For Me, My Dear Friend,
And oh how you smiled,
Eyes lighting up,
With the careful touches of dried oak,
But it will happen naught,
Nevermore to exist,
And yet,
Something still lurks within rotting planks,
The sound of silent music rings in my ears,
Captivating me to nestle back into the memories,
How can I not?
You hath lied to me,
I do not doubt,
But still I cannot give up this task,
I have sought you for eternities,
My soul cowering for attention,
But in these final moments,
I realize that I have never truly looked,
For you are standing right next to me,
My Dear Friend,
Never Forgotten,
With that bright smile still etched upon your face,
Now I finally see,
Even though we are upon the darkest hour,
I know that I was never alone,
No matter the number of miles that hath separated us,
And with this final and deep fall,
I can still hear something flowing in the background,
As melodic and quiet as the first day it was heard,
The music of a silent violin,
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141,399 Literary Works • 674,387 Reviews
Thank you very much, both of you! ^^
Thats just a great work Edward,I liked it a lot.
I don't think so there is anything to be corrected here.
Keep it up!!:)
Grand Poem , Ed. I loved this . All of it.
The title needs to be praised especially and your style is very good. The feelings have been brought out very well.
I want to see more from you.
Well, those are the words my English teacher is telling me to use, so... Well, you get the point. ^^ Never doubt the teacher!
And thank you very much, Reyu!
I thought this was amazing. If I could nit pick, the only thing that comes to mind is that it might have been to long. I have no useful information on how to correct that because I don't even believe it myself.
Very enjoyable.
Privyet once again!
I liked the imagery you used in the poem, but perhaps it could use some more. Also, the words "naught", "nevermore", and "hath" are considered older words in English, meaning more contemporary poetry doesn't use them. I suggest using other words to describe the same ideas.
Awww, thank you both! You're very kind. And also, thanks for the tips. They'll help me with my future writeings. :3
I'll PM you if I have any problems, and it's really awesome that i'm not alone with Russian Speakers here! ^^
-E.S.
*moved to Other Poetry*
Welcome to YWS ^_~ Don't worry about posting things in the wrong place, just PM me or someone else in dark green and we can move them for you! It's what we do.
I noticed you are located in Russia? Hah, we have a few Russian speakers here (I know only a few words ><) so they'll really like seeing you around. ^_^ As will I, though I do not know enough Russian to truly enjoy it. XD I know more French. Heck, I know more German at this point.
If you have any other problems or have a question feel free to PM me. ^_~
hehe yes you did post in the wrong place but no worries!
Great poem. great imagery. Is the title of the poem Forget Me Not, or Music of a Silent Violin.
I like the latter better!
You have created the 'poetry mood' without having the poem rhyme. Of course poems don't have to rhyme but that doesn't mean they shouldn't have a rhythm. And this poem does! So it's all good. However there were a few grammatical mistakes but nothing to worry about.
Best way to critique your own writing is to read it out loud to yourself. Really helps!
I've read this poem three times after you posted and each time I discovered new things, feeling in it . Its very deep.
-icy.
Oh I almost forgot, WELCOME TO YWS!!!!
Whoops, just realised I posted it in the wrong place! Sorry, people.